In our house, these are more than just delectable treats...they are apparently what my ovaries look like...more on that to come
Wednesday was our first appointment at Shady Grove Fertility. When we arrived at 8, the place was PACKED! I don't know what I expected, but didn't expect this...women (who looked like me - young, professional, fabulous, etc) were there with their husbands for the same reason we were being shuttled from one room to another for this reason and that reason by extremely plesant and perky medical staff.
We met with our Doctor around 8:45 after he'd had a few minutes to look at my chart and I gave him the short version of our story, which included our appointment with Dr. Frenchbread where she indicated that I did not have PCOS. In all seriousness, he looks at me and says "I don't know why she'd say that, because I think that's exactly what you have." Really?
He proceeds to explain this theory to us for the next 45 minutes using data from my chart and really rough drawings of my anatomy...what a refreshing explanation! Turns out not everyone is on the same page when it comes to the criteria for PCOS, which may be why Dr. Frenchbread thought otherwise. He was able to ascertain from my prior bloodwork that my body makes too much male hormones and the other hormone that turns those hormones into Estrogen (that makes you ovulate) isn't working right.
The three of us then met with our nurse, Stephanie, and discussed our case and next steps. Stephanie is the lucky gal that is going to see us through this next phase...no more calling and getting a different person each time...we get to call Stephanie directly!
Remember how I was wondering why in the world God gave me my period this weekend? Apparently it was so I could have a litany of bloodwork and tests done now, rather than a month from now after another Provera-induced period! While we were there, we were able to have an ultrasound done to scope me out down there - which is when we discovered my chocolate chip ovaries. Each ovary was filled with dark circles, which are apparently the cysts that I don't really have :) Even the doctor was surprised at how dark they were - he coined the chocolate chip cookie phrase (for those of you keeping track, I have a beautiful liver, perfect gall bladder, perfect thyroid and now, chocolate chip ovaries.)
In addition to the sonogram, Demetri and I both had blood drawn for infectious diseases, we're both starting Doxycycline, and I received prescription strength prenatal vitamins. Monday, I'm scheduled for fasting bloodwork to check my glucose levels, bloodwork checking my Testosterone levels and DHEA, as well as an HSG (this is the one I'm sort of not looking forward to). Demetri isn't off the hook either...no details, just know he's not off the hook :)
Once all these are completed, we'll have another appointment with the doctor to determine the treatment options. We're sort of being "over-diagnosed" as that's what our insurance covers...diagnosis, but no treatment, so before we begin a treatment regimen, he wanted to make sure he was absolutely sure what the issues were. Tenatively, it looks as though Clomid will be the treatment of choice, which he believes is all we'll need to get this baby-making machine up and running.
When we finally left the office around 11, I was feeling really positive (which SO isn't like me) and thankful for having taken that step to consult the experts. I'm kicking myself now for waiting so long!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
More than a punctuation mark
A Period.
If you're a woman, this is so much more than a punctuation mark. It's...special. It's what defines you as a woman. It ruins weekends. It's a sigh of relief.
And, I had one all by myself this weekend! :)
In summary, this is the first period my body had all by itself since last February. The 4 I've had since the miscarriage have all been the result of 10-days on Provera, the most recent being on November 19th. That's right, folks...almost 60 days.
As I realized what was happening, I couldn't help but chuckle...our first fertility clinic appointment is Wednesday...hmm, wonder what we're being set up for???
If you're a woman, this is so much more than a punctuation mark. It's...special. It's what defines you as a woman. It ruins weekends. It's a sigh of relief.
And, I had one all by myself this weekend! :)
In summary, this is the first period my body had all by itself since last February. The 4 I've had since the miscarriage have all been the result of 10-days on Provera, the most recent being on November 19th. That's right, folks...almost 60 days.
As I realized what was happening, I couldn't help but chuckle...our first fertility clinic appointment is Wednesday...hmm, wonder what we're being set up for???
Monday, January 12, 2009
Becoming my own worst nightmare
If you know me, you know that sarcasm is my spiritual gift.
If you know me, you know that "optimistic" is not how I could be described.
If you know me, you know I'm a control freak.
However, as I sit here typing this, I think I may have just morphed into my own worst nighmare...a positive, optimistic person that's willing to wait. This is insane...can this really be how it happens? The middle of the morning at work on my 2nd cup of coffee? This is when God chooses to reveal to me my changed heart? Seems a bit anti-climactic, if you ask me...
So, you ask, how did this happen? Well, I'm not sure...here's what I know:
I had a very nice chat with a friend of mine on Saturday that's struggling just like we are and I found myself doing most of the talking - which I hate because I know that means I can't listen - which is what I really wanted to do for her. Shock of shocks - the things I was saying were encouraging and sincere (well, sincere for me at least)...craziness! During our conversation, I discovered that through me, she was able to find my friend Ashley, who is also battling the baby thing, on the world wide web and how Ashley's recent post regarding Stepping Stones was an encouragment to her...I had to confess that I had read the post, but hadn't bothered to visit the site (more on that later), but decided I would when I got home.
As I thought about it more, I think the reason I hadn't visited the site was because I didn't really want to be encouraged about my situation - I wanted the pity party...I wanted to remain angry and bitter because those were emotions familiar to me and the thought of cracking that outer shell and really allowing myself to be changed scared the crap out of me. But, I was feeling encouraged by my divine meeting with my friend, so I decided to give it a shot. This website is pretty impressive and in the short time I had to read through it, answered a lot of questions I was having regarding our decision to seek treatment at a fertility clinic. I subscribed to the newsletter, which is so unlike me, but what the heck...
Also contributing to this new found positiveness is the information super highway...I was able to connect with a friend of mine and share some things that I need her to pray for - found her on creepy facebook, by the way - and she speaks my filter-less language, so her response spoke to my heart :) I've also become a blog-stalker of sorts, and through my friend Ashley found blog after blog by women just like me - I even commented on a total strangers blog post because she was telling my story, just in her words!!!
Which leads me to this morning, in my office, with Luke 1:45 taped to my computer screen - I know what you're thinking - "Who is this woman?!" Truthfully, I have no idea...but she can breathe!!!! It's like a light was just turned on and I'm seeing the world completely differently...this baby crap isn't happening to me, this baby crap is part of who I am, like it or not, and fighting this is like fighting me...
Make no mistake - the light will turn off for me eventually, so when it does, if I don't remind myself, remind me to check this post out so I can remember what it's like to breathe. And, Danielle - if you're reading this screaming obsenities at the computer screen because these are things you've been trying to get me to see for a while, I'm sorry - but if you know me, you know how stubborn I can be :)
If you know me, you know that "optimistic" is not how I could be described.
If you know me, you know I'm a control freak.
However, as I sit here typing this, I think I may have just morphed into my own worst nighmare...a positive, optimistic person that's willing to wait. This is insane...can this really be how it happens? The middle of the morning at work on my 2nd cup of coffee? This is when God chooses to reveal to me my changed heart? Seems a bit anti-climactic, if you ask me...
So, you ask, how did this happen? Well, I'm not sure...here's what I know:
I had a very nice chat with a friend of mine on Saturday that's struggling just like we are and I found myself doing most of the talking - which I hate because I know that means I can't listen - which is what I really wanted to do for her. Shock of shocks - the things I was saying were encouraging and sincere (well, sincere for me at least)...craziness! During our conversation, I discovered that through me, she was able to find my friend Ashley, who is also battling the baby thing, on the world wide web and how Ashley's recent post regarding Stepping Stones was an encouragment to her...I had to confess that I had read the post, but hadn't bothered to visit the site (more on that later), but decided I would when I got home.
As I thought about it more, I think the reason I hadn't visited the site was because I didn't really want to be encouraged about my situation - I wanted the pity party...I wanted to remain angry and bitter because those were emotions familiar to me and the thought of cracking that outer shell and really allowing myself to be changed scared the crap out of me. But, I was feeling encouraged by my divine meeting with my friend, so I decided to give it a shot. This website is pretty impressive and in the short time I had to read through it, answered a lot of questions I was having regarding our decision to seek treatment at a fertility clinic. I subscribed to the newsletter, which is so unlike me, but what the heck...
Also contributing to this new found positiveness is the information super highway...I was able to connect with a friend of mine and share some things that I need her to pray for - found her on creepy facebook, by the way - and she speaks my filter-less language, so her response spoke to my heart :) I've also become a blog-stalker of sorts, and through my friend Ashley found blog after blog by women just like me - I even commented on a total strangers blog post because she was telling my story, just in her words!!!
Which leads me to this morning, in my office, with Luke 1:45 taped to my computer screen - I know what you're thinking - "Who is this woman?!" Truthfully, I have no idea...but she can breathe!!!! It's like a light was just turned on and I'm seeing the world completely differently...this baby crap isn't happening to me, this baby crap is part of who I am, like it or not, and fighting this is like fighting me...
Make no mistake - the light will turn off for me eventually, so when it does, if I don't remind myself, remind me to check this post out so I can remember what it's like to breathe. And, Danielle - if you're reading this screaming obsenities at the computer screen because these are things you've been trying to get me to see for a while, I'm sorry - but if you know me, you know how stubborn I can be :)
Thursday, January 8, 2009
We made the call
This Christmas season for us was relatively painless. We had a nice visit from my parents and one of my brothers and sister-in-law - which is always fun...complete with ice skating on the mall and the great cookie bake off...Dexter turned 5 and 2008 (possibly the worst year ever) finally came to a close.
In case you're keeping track, I've not had a period on my own since last January - oh, yes, we're still fighting that battle. We have an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility on the 21st...let me just elaborate for a moment on this next adventure. Initially, when we made the call, I was pretty positive about the whole experience...this is an action step, and if you're a follower of this blog you know how much I love the action steps. Then I got to thinking - this actually kind of sucks. As I sat back and processed what we were doing, the more I kept wondering how in the heck we got here - a fertility clinic?! I mean, I guess no one plans to have to go to one of these places, and everyone I've ever talked to has had nothing but positive things to say about them, so I'm probably overreacting, but this just isn't how it was supposed to be.
They mysteriousness of God is starting to totally mystify me, just in case I wasn't sure what His deal was to begin with...
Really - I'm completely lost as to what the heck is going on. We assumed His plan for us was kids...both of us did and I think we're to the point now that if kids isn't the plan, we're in desperate need of a bit of a glimpse into what the plan is, because we're just drifting...drifting to the point of being angry about it - ok, well I am...Demetri is still Demetri.
This thought became very real to me during the holidays. When you run into people you haven't seen in a while, the normal question is "So, What's new?" The polite response is not to spill my guts about our apparent fertility problem, but to say "oh, not much - same old, same old", which isn't a lie...but I think that's what makes this so hard...we really aren't doing much of anything, because we're hanging out waiting for the next phase of our life to begin...this is where we are in the next phase of our relationship and we're just sitting back waiting for it to happen.
Many of you that I've talked to about this are always quick to point out the other side of this thought and belive (in spite of my doubt) that a family is in the cards for us - and I'm grateful for that. There are days when I'm more inclined to think that way and then I lose hold of it and fall back into this rut...
I always thought that because I am a hospitable person that that meant I wasn't a selfish person - and talk about surrendering your sinful self to the will of God kind of didn't apply to me since I wasn't selfish - how could I be when it is in my nature to be hospitable. I don't know that I would call it a lesson learned (cause if I had learned it, we wouldn't be going over this again) but a character trait that I have that has surfaced rapidly to the top would be my stubborn selfishness. (and that hospitality and unselfishness are in no way related.) problem is, i have no idea what to do about this and I'm afraid that, until I do, this is only going to get worse...any suggestions?
In case you're keeping track, I've not had a period on my own since last January - oh, yes, we're still fighting that battle. We have an appointment with Shady Grove Fertility on the 21st...let me just elaborate for a moment on this next adventure. Initially, when we made the call, I was pretty positive about the whole experience...this is an action step, and if you're a follower of this blog you know how much I love the action steps. Then I got to thinking - this actually kind of sucks. As I sat back and processed what we were doing, the more I kept wondering how in the heck we got here - a fertility clinic?! I mean, I guess no one plans to have to go to one of these places, and everyone I've ever talked to has had nothing but positive things to say about them, so I'm probably overreacting, but this just isn't how it was supposed to be.
They mysteriousness of God is starting to totally mystify me, just in case I wasn't sure what His deal was to begin with...
Really - I'm completely lost as to what the heck is going on. We assumed His plan for us was kids...both of us did and I think we're to the point now that if kids isn't the plan, we're in desperate need of a bit of a glimpse into what the plan is, because we're just drifting...drifting to the point of being angry about it - ok, well I am...Demetri is still Demetri.
This thought became very real to me during the holidays. When you run into people you haven't seen in a while, the normal question is "So, What's new?" The polite response is not to spill my guts about our apparent fertility problem, but to say "oh, not much - same old, same old", which isn't a lie...but I think that's what makes this so hard...we really aren't doing much of anything, because we're hanging out waiting for the next phase of our life to begin...this is where we are in the next phase of our relationship and we're just sitting back waiting for it to happen.
Many of you that I've talked to about this are always quick to point out the other side of this thought and belive (in spite of my doubt) that a family is in the cards for us - and I'm grateful for that. There are days when I'm more inclined to think that way and then I lose hold of it and fall back into this rut...
I always thought that because I am a hospitable person that that meant I wasn't a selfish person - and talk about surrendering your sinful self to the will of God kind of didn't apply to me since I wasn't selfish - how could I be when it is in my nature to be hospitable. I don't know that I would call it a lesson learned (cause if I had learned it, we wouldn't be going over this again) but a character trait that I have that has surfaced rapidly to the top would be my stubborn selfishness. (and that hospitality and unselfishness are in no way related.) problem is, i have no idea what to do about this and I'm afraid that, until I do, this is only going to get worse...any suggestions?
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