My my, has it really been this long since I've updated my faithful few? apparently time flies when you're on the pill again.
yes, that's right...the baby making machine has taken a pit stop for about 3 weeks and 3 days while we try and "get my body back on track." Today was the last day of the pill, so I'm bracing for a wild next few days. Poor Demetri, I think he's scared of me.
Emotionally, this last month or so has been just exhausting. I've stopped going to see Victoria as we just kept talking about the same things because I wasn't ready to move forward. I just felt pressured and wanted to be left alone...but not in a mean way, because I have come to love this woman! Just needed to take a break from the constant pressure of feeling like I had to be aware of my spiritual journey and the status of my soul all the freaking time. If you know me, you know I like to do things myself in my own time, so having Victoria in the back of my head pushing made me just want to stop even more. While progress has slowed, I think God is poking his head in everyonce in a while, just to remind me he knows what's going on and what's to come. blasted impatience.
In the midst of all this, Demetri and I are figuring each other out again. You don't ever go back to being the same woman you were before you were/weren't pregnant and I guess in some ways, he aren't the same man either. Not that this means our marriage is on the rocks or anything, just hit a speed bump.
But, the point of all this is to let you all know that read this and keep up with me either through the blog or in person that I appreciate you and your kind thoughts and words. You all have prayed for me and for us when I couldn't and that means more to me that you'll know. I was struck to write to you all after I found two old friends on facebook tonight. One was just a casual acquaintance that is now my sister in this fight for a baby. It's incredible how you're instantly bonded with another human being given the right circumstances. The other was a very good friend, roomate even, that I barely even know anymore. Her live went in a direction that I wasn't aware of, and am still not sure I understand, and I while I was "stalking" her tonight, I was a bit nervous to keep reading and struck by how many people, it appears, don't have a problem with her choices. How do you love people but hate their sin?
I remember just being crushed when I learned about my friend. How was I ever going to get over this divide that now existed between me and my oldest friend? I have since realized that I may have overestimated the depth of our friendship and that my friends, my true, real, never-gonna-leave-you, friends are right here. Love to you all!
