Day 9

Today is day 9 of the 10 days of Provera...so, if we're lucky, we'll be feeling better by Wednesday.

But, until then, we're still a mess...and by we I mean I.

I don't know how many of you know this about me, but I'm pretty stubborn...especially if I know/think I can do something by myself, or even if I think I should be able to do something by myself. Hence, I've been really stubborn lately...I can cope with this...I can continue to work really hard at work...I can continue to serve at Crossroads...I can still participate at small group...I can be around pregnant people...

All false

As it turns out that's not the case and my stubborness is keeping me from accepting help...I have no problem asking for it, but the problem seems to occur once I leave Victoria's office, or once I get off the phone with my mom, or once I leave church. Once I leave, I don't ever actually practice what's been suggested. Examples (paraphrased):

Victoria: Sarah, you know you need to work on the sarcasm
Me: Yea, I know

But what happens? See anyone of these posts..

Victoria: Sarah, you know you need to confess to God that you need His help and comfort
Me: Yea, I know

Does this happen? no. but this doesn't happen because I don't want to, it doesn't happen because I don't know how to say it and mean it. I don't want it to be a conversation that I have in the car, but I know it doesn't have to be some huge ceremonious conversation. So, I continue with the status quo and continue to slowly lose my mind.

We went to big church for the first time in a while today and it was really refresing...we went for the commissioning of the Richmond Church Plant but I found, especially during worship, that there were themes for me...stubborness flareup...I get the knocking and am too stubborn to take the step and answer.