Coming up...

This particular post is going to be a little science experiment. Were getting ready to go to Fort Worth this weekend to spend some time with Demetri's family and I'm having some pretty serious angst with it. So, I'm going to try and write them all out and see if that helps me feel better.

Given the debacle that was Thanksgiving, any event that involves time with Demetri's mother causes legitimate anxiety in my chest. Not the normal "oh, I have to go spend time with my in-laws" kind of anxiety, but real, honest to goodness "what will she do this time" anxiety. There are so many unknowns that surround time with her that the control freak in me panics because I can't know how to prepare for what she'll do, what she'll say, what's going to happen when she pitches a fit, or, in the case of Thanksgiving, chokes on something.

It's quite un-nerving...even to the point where the last few days have been pretty tense between Demetri and I. He's seems so calm about it all, but I just know that when we get there, she'll antagonize him for a few hours, he'll snap at her, she'll cry and he'll disengage for a while - I don't blame him for that because he puts up with her for longer than I would - but the time that he's disengaged means that she turns my way and then I panic. I panic because I don't know what to do or what to say. I want to hold the same line that Demetri would, but it's like when you get a dog and you've never had a dog before...you're just clueless on how to handle things. My only hope lies in YiaYia. Demetri's Grandmother is going to meet us there, so I can only hope that his mother will cooperate a little better with her mother around to snap her back into acting right.

Here is the other reason I am not feeling so hot about this weekend. It's Mother's Day. I have a Mother, I love my Mother, but I am not a Mother anymore. Who knows, it may come and go and I will be surprisingly okay with it. Or, it will come, I will feel like crap, and instead of being able to stay in bed all day and pretend it's any normal Sunday, I will have to go and celebrate the day with my Mother-in-law, my Grandmother-in-law, and Maria Christina's Mother-in-law. I'm bracing for whatever Demetri's mother may say in an attempt to try and make me feel better but will actually come out horribly wrong and for any looks of pathetic sympathy that may come our direction...this just sucks.

I will try and focus on the fact that my own mother will be coming on the 17th and that when we are watching TV at my house, I will lay my head in her lap and she'll pet my head.